Wednesday, March 5, 2008

The Cato Files

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." - Rita Rudner

Instead of every other blogger and their neighbor waxing poetically over the outcome, or lack thereof, of yesterday's primary (Democrats are in a quandary now over whether to back a Marxist or a fascist, and everyone generally agrees that Cindy McCain is the best looking out of the whole lot), I think a break from politics is in order.

Cato is in mid-round of antibiotic treatment for his ear infection, and thus looks like a greaseball. One thing all parents and pet owners agree on is that their children and pets are better-looking and smarter than yours. One exception to this is the Chinese Crested. Why anyone would want to pay actual money for one of these, let alone breed them, is beyond comprehension. Even if they can outwit Michio Kaku, they are about the homeliest creatures to ever achieve status as a household pet. Even Chinese chefs refuse to prepare and serve them out of fear the dogs (loose stretch of the term, probably rodents) appear to have some horrible disease that would kill their patrons.

To end all argument in accordance with unassailable objectivism - my dog is cute AND smart. So there.

His particular area of interest is literature, having just completed Aldous Huxley's Brave New World. Having completed meaning "completely destroyed" a paperback of such. It seldom arouses suspicion when a dog chews up a book, but to do so in numerical page order, from front to back, is something different. He is also a fast reader, by dog standards, digesting (no pun intended) the work in less than one week. In addition, Cato seems to be a most discriminating bibliophile. To test this theory, I placed in front of him for his choosing the following:

A recent edition of The New York Times (opened to the editorial section), on which he immediately peed (Good dog! He got a treat for that).

The Vintage Mencken collected by Alistair Cooke, which he sniffed vigorously for about five minutes, then began to "read". It was then removed from the menu, since I have yet to finish it myself.

How To Know God by Deepak Chopra. Upon intense examination, since this is a hardbound volume, he could not open the book, and gave up.

And finally, this month's edition of Discover, which is apparently delicious.

The only problem here is that I was unable to finish Brave New World before Cato did. Someone please tell me how the relationship between Lenina and The Savage (John) turns out. I do not want to have to buy the Cliff's Notes, since Cato might eat them and cheat on his book report.

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