Sunday, April 20, 2008

Taking a Break

I need a vacation - somewhere I have never been before just to make it interesting. For how long? No idea. I will return when I feel good and ready.

Bon Voyage,


Friday, April 18, 2008

Just When I Thought I'd........

"I told you, Ali Baba! Passports? We don't need no steenking passports! We pretend to be amigos and just walk in through Mexico! El Presidente Hugo Chavez will even teech us Spaneesh and give free airfare to Cuidad Juarez, Allah willing! The Martyrs can even wash their feet at the water stations along the way!"

"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

Even though it is Muslim Menu Friday, no recipes today. Just throw some bacon bits on a falafel, say "Allahu Akbar" and be content. What follows should be unbelievable, but since it involves the Federal Government, well, I can best describe it as "amusing at our expense".

Get a load of this shit. I hope you were sitting down when you clicked that.

I have no clue how this slipped under both the fence and the radar. The liberal media obviously had zero interest in it. On one hand, they had a golden opportunity to slam the Bush administration and their miserable effect, if any, on homeland security. On the other, this would also call for tighter border measures to the south, which would not benefit their compadres in the democrat party that are furiously hispandering for votes, legal or otherwise.

So some dude gets his car stolen. Then a week later it pulls right up next to him at a gas station. He grabs the keys and the perps scatter. So far, serendipity. Then explosives and Iraqi currency are found in the car. The Federal Bureau of Investigation, through innovative methods of deductive and inductive reasoning, concludes this is not a terrorist-related incident.

I shit you not.

Well, since it wasn't a terrorist-related incident, then what was it? I know the page I lifted this from had their own contest to try and explain this incident, but none really nailed it. Your turn. For your comments, try to be as creative as the FBI (if that is possible). I will include a poll and also a prize for the winner. One box of couscous, your choice of flavor.

Meanwhile, I am awaiting some research advice from Dr. Tom Sowell of the Hoover Institute at Stanford regarding my proposal to nationalize the entertainment industry. Since clowns like Micheal Moore want the government to take over healthcare, why not have "single payer" entertainment as well? That will be my next entry.

Enjoy the falafel.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Time to Put Up or Shut Up

"I don't think that Iran with a nuclear capability will be just the problem of the state of Israel. This is a matter that concerns the whole world." - Moshe Katsav
Uh oh, evil Jew! Wait, most American Jews are liberal; well, in the sense "OK for me, not for thee" liberals. Barbra Streisand feels your pain, until she gets bored and goes on her 11th farewell tour ($150 minimum ticket price - ostensibly so the "common" people can throw roses at her).

I think George W. Bush is hopefully the worst president of this century. Only Obama could possibly beat him in buffoonery. However, we cannot criticize Obama because that would be "racissisisism". I don't even want to think what this guy could do to the Supreme Court. In all of the country's history, Bush is only barely topped for damage to our republic by, in no particular order, FDR, LBJ and Jimmah Cahtuh (who is roaming around kissing Hamas' ass in some odd attempt to eclipse a papal visit to the United States).

I was so hoping for a democrat riot, but something may be on the horizon to overshadow even that. The question is no longer IF Iran will nuke Israel, but WHEN. Many were under the assumption that it would all depend on who will lead the next administration, with the following predictions:

1. John McCain - Iran would not dare make a peep about such ambitions anymore. If they did, it would mean assured annihilation for them.

2. Der Hildebeast - Wildcard. Whatever is most politically expedient. Most likely she would attempt to defray any military action against Israel by sending goodies to Iran (like they need them). Iran would probably go ahead and nuke Israel anyway, but Hillary would strike back - to what degree uncertain.

3. Obama - On innaguration day, adios Tel Aviv. The Obama administration's most drastic response would be harsh language towards Iamadinnersalad and his goons, then run to the U.N. to impose more meaningless sanctions, reminding Israel all the time that they were asking for it anyway.

So what is the big deal anyway (as long as you don't happen to reside in Israel)? If Machmoud (no gays in Iran - we lynched them all!) Iamadinnersalad successfully detonates a nuclear device in Israel, he will be the Islamic equivalent of Jesus Christ, or to be more accurate, the second coming of Mohammad. He will usurp total power in the Islamic world and become some sort of God-like figure, eclipsing the imams, ayatollahs and everyone in between. The Kingdom of Saudi is not as stable as even the most cynical among us believe. They have bent over backwards to appease the Wahhabis (arguably the most radical of Islamic sects) to the point of giving the Mutahween (religious police) complete and total control of society in the country. Their Imams are financially placated to keep perhaps an inevitable and violent revolution from eradicating the throne and Royal Family.
Maybe Jimmah might tell Hamas that being anywhere in the vicinity of Israel over the next few months is not a good idea. Oh well, let Jordan take them back, or maybe they can jump the new wall between Egypt and Gaza. I hope Jimmah reminds them to tiptoe through the minefields, since they are so welcome there.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

And The Winner Is..........

Here they come!

And there they go!

".....the government is a broker in pillage, and an election is an advance auction of stolen goods." - H.L. Mencken

So sue me, I happen to love H.L.

"The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don't have to waste your time voting."
- Charles Bukowski

Berkeley, with a whopping 55 percent! Seattle was second, but thank Gaia they did not win because it might upset their environment of liberal (damnit, I forgot - they are "progressives" now) elitism

Now, ladies and gentlemen, to make this worth our while, we have to figure out a way to give the majority of Oakland some motivation to visit Berkeley on a particular day. A sign that reads "Free Winning Lottery Tickets" or "Unarmed Whitey, Next Exit" would be a nice impetus, but there is a literacy boundary that must be overcome. Furthermore, it is going to be tough to get the California National Guard and Reserves to want to go anywhere near the place. So, figure that out as well.

Leave all, well-thought out suggestions in the comment box. Thank you for your kind attention.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Riot Runoff!!

Since Hildebeast cannot understand by mere numbers of delegates that she has less than a fart's chance in a cyclone of being the democrat (no capitalization intended) candidate, well it looks like Denver is gonna get it good and hard. That is, unless YOU do something quick.

Here was the original blog with the full lot of choices.

A short review of the finalists:

Seattle - "Ok for me, but not for thee" leftists really need to experience all of the consequences of their brilliant ideas for the rest of us.

Berkeley - The residents consider themselves "progressive" because they proudly proclaim that they do not own guns. Therefore easy targets. And Oakland will have a blast (no pun intended).

Harlem - Again, why not?

Caracas - Give Hugo something of real, not imaginary, importance to worry about.

Havana - I am not sure if Raoul had a coronation ceremony to assume his dictatorship.

Pyongyang - Pay homage to "Dear Leader" and his wonderful, Marxist paradise, where starvation, fear and abuse is "for the people" while he drinks cognac with abandon.

Write-in - Self explanatory.

Time is short. Hurry up!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Planned Parenthood Missed Another One....

"I quit flying years ago. I don't want to die with tourists." - Billy Bob Thornton

With American Airlines self-administering a thorough rectal examination at the behest of the FAA, one intrepid, local news reporter went to our "international" airport (which is not entirely a misnomer, since flying OUT of Alabama is essentially flying INTO civilization). There she found a variety of people more than willing to give their expert opinions on the matter of cancelled flights. One lady in particular surprised us all with her capacity for abstract thought:

"They're not thinking about us at all! The paying passengers! Why isn't the government doing something about this? I'm never going to fly American again."

It pains me to have to explain this, but the woman came by her blond hair honestly, so...

American Airlines is not grounding those planes for kicks. They are grounding them because a huge federal bureaucracy, known as the FAA, has a laundry list of regulations that require them to do so. In addition, the airline does not want to face tremendous lawsuits should something go wrong. Cancelling flights does nothing positive for AMR (the parent company of American Airlines - with stocks owned by evil rich people, like union workers with pension funds). If you feel a lone martyr in this, American Airlines and their shareholders are taking one hell of a financial screwing in comparison to your earth-shattering inconvenience. The government IS doing something about it, which is exactly WHY your flight is cancelled. In addition, the government was most likely the source of your formal "education", so it would make perfect sense that this situation is COMPLETELY incomprehensible to you.

I sure hope she remembers to vote for Obama on Wednesday. Perhaps Margaret Sanger had it right after all.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Reader Participation (unlike the major political parties, I really do give a shit what you think)

"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." - H.L. Mencken

“… the term “democrat” originated as an epithet and referred to ‘one who panders to the crude and mindless whims of the masses.’” - Joseph J. Ellis

Alright peeps, mob rule is in effect! If you notice to the right (sorry, the format will not allow me to put it on the left) you have YOUR say! Before we get started, let us reflect on the wisdom of the common man, expressing his fantastic capacity for putting thought into action throughout recent times.

Here is how whitey riots:

Sheik Yerbouti, and you better vote for Obama or ELSE:

Oh well, YouTube is full of stuff for your perusal.

Having lived in Colorado, even though it is full of democrats (above definition), Denver is a pretty nice place. I do not want to see it trashed. Denver has everything in close proximity that honkies like - low crime rate, nice weather, close to ski slopes and a major airline hub so Denver residents can travel to other places only to realize how wonderful home is. They have a lovely downtown area and light rail mass transit. When white guilt sets in, you can hop in the car and travel to UC Boulder so people like Ward Churchill (famous Indian warrior) can tell you how horrible you are, just for being a honky.

These are my takes on the cities. Hey, I write this damned blog, so at the very least include me in the mob!

Seattle: Nice town. Whole lot going on in the area. Home of the people that screw up your computer just when you finally figure it out. In political correctness, this is known as a "Windows Automatic Upgrade". Starbuck's home is there too. A nice, corporate, conglomerate, homogenous chain operation (traded on the evil, greedy NYSE), where people all over the country can buy horrendously overpriced coffee in a safe place to trash conservatives (and evil corporations too) with abandon and have everyone agree with them. They have a drive-thru for conservatives who actually have jobs and need to get to them on time. Something for everybody! Honkeys in Seattle like black people - all 300 of them! So do I. Northwesterners love to assault the South with how "racist" we are. They love to tell us how we treat "our" black people - assuming "we" still own "them". Should I call my accountant? If I, in fact, "own" somebody, well I sure as hell want to reap the benefits out of somebody else's mind and labor (or lack of either) - I am taxed for it anyway! I like "their" black people. I wish some of them would move here. We are willing to trade - one hundred of "ours" for just one of "theirs". Liberals, after all, tell black people what is best for them - apparently black people cannot figure this out by themselves on an individual basis. How wonderful life would be if the state of Washington had one million more black people to tell them how the world is against them and where to place the blame! I don't think they will take me up on it, but hope springs eternal. Offer remains open.

Berkeley (with Oakland): Now this would just be too damned good, and my personal vote. Even I was angry at the idea of putting a Marine Corps recruitment office there. It is a blatant waste of taxpayer money. Who in their fucking mind thought that there is possibly one, just ONE person in Berkeley who is capable of being a Marine (of any race, or any of the five P.C. approved genders)? Assuming that one, just ONE applicant came forward, the best hope (probably an impossibility) would be the Military Police. MPs are the punchline of all military jokes, and deservedly so. MPs are so congenitally stupid they are not to be allowed in combat - in other words, they are too dumb to be shot at! They cannot be trusted with staplers, for they might harm themselves. Berkeley even thinks themselves superior to Seattle. This is why an open invitation to their neighbor, Oakland, should be included, so they can have a true "multi-cultural" experience this year. Let the Muslim Bakery cater the event.

San Francisco: Well, they don't like "Fleet Week", so I say to the United States Navy - if San Fran gets into trouble, you are not "welcome" to defend them (if you can get away with it, help the godam enemy). Cindy Sheehan is a local celebrity there too. To any Islamobastards out there, please bomb the everlovingshit outta San Francisco ASAP! The GLTBWhateverthehell will welcome Shari'a Law with open arms, labia, bungholes, or whatever an imaginative plastic surgeon put there. You naughty Islamists! You be nicey nice to those people during the public hangings at Fisherman's Wharf. Come to think of it, a Democrat convention riot will probably accomplish far more mayhem than that.

Detroit: Well, Detroit is already an irreparable mess, so a riot might do it some good. Riots are always good methods of urban renewal - tear up your own neighborhood and stick the taxpayers with the bill. Detroit is also dangerously close to Canada - another bunch that loves to tell us how horrible we are. After the riots, expel Detroit from the Republic, and give it as a gift to our northern neighbors, since they obviously know much better how to run things. I am sure with their exemplary healthcare system they just can't wait to put another couple of million people on the waiting list for a simple throat culture.

Toledo: This place is just too awful - a riot can only be an improvement. Call Detroit and Cleveland for help. When there is nothing left to destroy, just push it all into Lake Erie - the Canadians will be far to busy with Detroit by then to complain about "environmental" bullshit.

Harlem: Why not?

New Orleans: Ray Nagin has not had much to blame on the rest of us for a while - his political relevance is diminishing. Since Al Gore cannot tell us when the next hurricane will strike the Crescent City, why not just have rioting and looting for the sake of itself? We have to invite the entire Dutch Parliament to come over, observe and take notes. They must see what happens, firsthand, when you build a city below sea level and then populate it with idiots.

Birmingham: My home. The most "racissisississmississistic" city in the world. We have not had a white mayor in over thirty years. Our entire city council is "African" American. We have not had a white candidate for mayor in over twenty years. Our mayoral elections are decided, literally, on which candidate the remaining honkies like - that candidate automatically loses. We are a most intelligent city though. All of our problems will be solved with a "domed stadium". Don't worry that we have no professional sports team to play in it. Furthermore, we have no clue with the current highway infrastructure as to how anybody is going to be able to get to this architectural savior. None of that matters. A riot would be good for this city - a MAJOR one, possibly nuclear. For this, we need all of Detroit, New Orleans, Oakland (sorry Berkeley) and probably half of Houston. Then after the debris settles, we can bill the rest of the nation to build a metropolitan infrastructure that actually makes sense.

Havana, Caracas, Pyongyang: One way tickets for rioters.

Other: Instructions provided.